Non-fiction , Self-discovery, Emotional well-being
"Books and doors are the same thing. You open them, and you go through into another world."
– Jeanette Winterson
In the month of March I decided to read the book Daring Greatly (how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead) by Brené Brown.
- In this article -
My impressions of the book
Who the book is for
What I learned from the book
Six take-aways from the book
My impressions
A 4 star rating from me. This book is great, it is informative, eye opening, and impactful. I cannot tell you how many times I have shared the lessons that I've learned with my loved ones. It literally stayed top of mind especially when we spoke about relationships.
The book covers a wide range of topics and themes such as (1) being brave and courageous (2) the scarcity mindset (3) vulnerability (4) shame (5) embarrassment (6) guilt (7) criticism and so much more. This book is a slow burn, it is quite difficult to complete you will spend a lot of time contemplating.
Who is this book for
Read this book if you are looking to build a good relationship with yourself. The book will assist to navigate the reasons behind why you hold back from pursuing your goals, relationships and showing up as your authentic self.
What I learned from the book
We as people have a lot more in common than we realize. We want to be loved, respected and we want to be successful. We want to lead bold and courageous lives, accomplish our goals and see our dreams come true. We also want to belong and know that we are supported. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, humans are social beings who long for contact with other people. The third element of the hierarchy describes the requirements for love, family, intimacy, and friendship. People need to feel loved and accepted and to have a sense of community. In order for us to have access to the community and the relationships we want to cultivate, we ought to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
6 Take-aways from the book
There are many lessons to learn from the book but what stays top of mind is,
Vulnerability is not weakness. Although vulnerability feels like being naked, it creates uncertainty, opens up room for pain or disappointment. Being vulnerable also allows us to be authentic, live with an open heart, experience real connections, show up, learn and develop empathy for ourselves and others.
Good relationships require trust and trust is built one marble at a time. Brené made an analogy using a marble jar. In the book she writes "...Think about friendships as marble jars. Whenever someone is kind to you, supports you, honours what you share with them as private, or sticks up for you, you put marbles in the jar. When people are disrespectful, mean, or share your secrets, marbles are decreased."
Disengagement breaks relationships. Disengagement happens when we stop paying attention, stop investing, stop caring, and stop fighting for the relationships we have with the people we love or share a deep connection with. Trust begins to slip away and hurt starts finding its way in. Disengagement triggers shame and our deepest fears - the fears of being unlovable, unworthy and abandoned.
Trust is a product of vulnerability. It grows over time and requires work, full engagement and attention. Trust isn't a one-time offering or a grand gesture, it is a growing marble collection.
Vulnerability inspires vulnerability; courage is contagious.
When we experience shame, we feel disconnected and desperate for worthiness. We are more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors and attack or shame others when we are hurting, whether we are filled with shame or even just experiencing the fear of shame.
“She recognized that that is how friendships begin: one person reveals a moment of strangeness, and the other person decides just to listen and not exploit it.”
- Meg Wolitzer
